Living with three little sisters who love food as much as I do, eating has always been a competition. For example, when my mother brings out three sausages as a side dish, the tension builds up and the four of us are almost bouncing in our seats by the end of the prayer. And as soon as the word “Amen” is spoken, our chopsticks shoot out, leaving one girl to grieve over their slow speed.
My mother has very fast hands. They are quite useful when she is cooking and cleaning. She also has a very fast mind. Decisions and thoughts are formed quickly. I am also like that. I am quick to think, quick to decide, and quick to get things done. However, there is one thing I just cannot be fast at: writing.
When we have to write something with a time limit during class, I focus fully and only on my writing, barely looking up or being side tracked. However, once the time to write is over and I look up at the person in front of me, the length of the writing on her paper is about twice as long as mine. This confuses me all the time; I was writing the whole entire time, I swear.
Maybe it’s because my handwriting is quite small and crowded together. I usually come up with an excuse to make myself feel better. But there is always the inevitable truth that is nagging at the back of my head: I write slow.
That truth is so hard to accept because I have been doing things fast all my life. I just can’t get myself to admit the fact that I write slow. There are so many opinions and voices in my head that I just can’t get them on paper in a quick manner. I always trip over the overload of voices that I have and struggle to not drown under all of my thoughts.
Sometimes, I write so slow that I mistake it for a writer’s block. I have so many things to say and so many ways to say them, yet I just can’t get them on paper. My fast mind quickly concludes that it is a writer’s block, frustrated at my speed. That is just about exactly why I have had a writer’s block for years now. If I sit myself and down in front of either a laptop or paper, I can manage to write. But other than homework, I haven’t been able to do that because homework steals time away from me.
Hannysarang will be like a rehab for my slow writing skills. I will either learn to accept the fact that I am a slow writer or quicken up my speed in writing. And in the process of doing so, I will have fun writing and learn to arrange my thoughts.
And then maybe, just maybe, I’ll give my sausage to the sister who was too slow. ❤
Word of the Day: amaranthine